RESILIENCE

When times of tragedy or crisis come into our lives we become frightened, and wonder how we will survive. How we will go on? What will happen? As a chaplain I visit people every day who face new diagnosis, chronic debilitating conditions, and broken relationships, loss of meaningful work, grief and death. One of the things I try to help people do is to recall a time in their life when they experienced a similarly difficult time of crisis or struggle. I invite them to revisit that time and reflect on what it was that helped them cope. What gave them the strength, courage, help or comfort that they needed? Where did it come from? We all have external and internal resources we access every day, often without much awareness. For example, if your car breaks down and you need to pick up your child at school you might call a friend or neighbor to provide a ride. These people are external resources. Many people name the loving support of family, friends and faith community as their primary external resources. For others it might be a pet, nature, exercise, music, art or a hobby. Your external resources in a sense provide the links to your internal resources. Internal resources are what you carry inside of you. What makes you, YOU. Your perception of life and the world around you, and what guides your approach and interaction with others, life and the world. These internal resources include your morals and values, belief system, attitudes, personality traits etc. They are like the roots of the tree that keep you nourished and anchored in the earth. They are the origins of strength and hope, love and compassion, resilience and persistence, optimism, determination, perseverance, “grit” and personal strength. Once a person can identify the internal resource(s) they possess, they can once again access them and use them like tools to make it through the current crisis. I have been a chaplain to persons with cancer for more than a decade and I often comment that I continue to learn from each of them. This summer when the disaster of flood hit my home and my life, I became acutely aware of the lessons I have been taught by cancer patients and their loved ones. I saw increasing parallels in my experiences and yours. Like cancer, floods can come with or without warning and they can be more aggressive and extensive than expected. The cleanup can be relatively small and it can be immense. The clean-up and recovery from a flood, like chemo and radiation treatments, can take months to years. The work of both clean-up and treatment leave your body aching and fatigued and the whole experience strikes with a hard blow to your spirit. One day while taking a break I sat on my front steps looked around me and asked myself if I had the strength to do it all. My questioning took me back to several other long times of change, crisis and uncertainty in my life. In my reflection I revisited the internal strengths I possess with new awareness and appreciation. I am a resilient, persistent woman! It is who I am by nature, nurture and the grace of God. My parents both lived with cancer for many years. Their resilience and fortitude shaped and nurtured mine. Their faith, wisdom, acceptance and peace strengthened and sustained me. I heard my mother say “This too shall end”, one of her favorite sayings that got us as children to look beyond the present distress. I heard the voice of God assuring me of God’s deep love and care for me “I will never leave you or forsake you”, “You are precious in my sight…and I love you”. Then I recalled the words of Mother Theresa of Calcutta “I know God doesn’t give you more than you can handle…I just wish God didn’t have so much faith in me!” I smiled, laughed inside and went back to work with fresh air in my lungs, the warmth of the sun on my skin and love surrounding me, strengthening me and sustaining me. It is my prayer that you, too, will be able to reflect on your inner resources, find love, strength, support and hope for your journey with cancer and have a good laugh along the way!