A SURVIVOR'S STORY

by Anonymous

I just celebrated my 53rd birthday, my sister her 59th , and my mother just celebrated her 85th. We’re all bilateral breast cancer survivors. My mother was diagnosed at age 36 on one side, and at age 46 on the other. I was diagnosed at age 32 on the right side and then again two years later, on the left. When I was just 32, I felt a lump in an area just a little above my breast, so it didn’t register at first that it might be breast cancer. I was expecting to have to deal with breast cancer at some point in my life because of family history, but this lump wasn’t really in my breast, I thought.

​A few months passed and then it began to bother me so I had it checked out. After several exams and a biopsy I learned that it was breast cancer. I had a modified radical mastectomy with good results. No lymph nodes were involved and the doctor decided surgery would be sufficient, and no chemo or radiation would be needed. Two years later I repeated the scenario – this time the cancer was discovered on my mammogram. The story of my diagnosis and treatment was pretty textbook for the time – 20 years ago.

Reflections
There are many more women out there who have been through this than you realize. At first, I felt very alone. At 32, there were few others my age that had breast cancer. I was active in the YMCA but was uncomfortable in the locker room. This was merely my self-consciousness; the other women got comfortable with my appearance quickly and were completely supportive. Now, I’m amazed at how often I find women (and men with wives, sisters, mothers) who have also been touched by this disease. And many are survivors.

​There’s nothing like a positive attitude! I think breast cancer gave me a new appreciation for what a gift every day is. Through the recovery process I found out how many friends I had and was overwhelmed with their caring and generosity. Everyday I am grateful for my wonderful husband; always loving and understanding and never once expressed disappointment in my changed body.

Never underestimate the value of denial! After my surgeries I did everything to get back to “normal”. Diet, exercise, work, play. I want to give and get the most out of every day so that no matter what happens, I can feel I had a life well-lived. There is no point in worrying about what the future may bring. And worrying is what I deny myself.

Every woman has to decide for herself whether a support group will help her. I tried attending a support group, but stopped because I just didn’t want to talk about cancer so much. Some women with advanced cancers didn’t survive and it was too hard for me to deal with. I didn’t feel a support group was helping me deal with my situation and I didn’t feel strong enough to participate just to try and help others. This may sound cold, but I had a “denial” strategy that didn’t fit in with support groups.

I always regarded breast cancer as a survivable disease. This is probably the most important attitude I have. Sure, I know lots of women haven’t survived but I know lots more who have. I received the gift of this attitude from my mother who was already a survivor at the time of my diagnosis. I think every woman, when faced with a breast cancer diagnosis, has to confront the fear that she may die. But once I confronted that, it helped for me to just regard it as a “bump in the road”.

Find a primary physician who understands breast cancer. I have a doctor right now who understands the risks of cancer recurrence in other parts of my body and screens for these. It provides me with peace of mind that we are doing all we can do.

Hope for the Future
My mother has breast cancer again – discovered 40 years after her last occurrence. I have hope because there are so many new drug therapies now. I get strength from her courage and she keeps a good perspective. She may get the remission we are all hoping for or she may not. Regardless, she is happy for the many good years she has had and she focuses on her love for Dad and us. This may happen to me too, as it may happen to any of us. I will try to deal with whatever happens with the quiet grace and acceptance that my mother is teaching me now.