i cried, i prayed, and i listened

​A survivor’s story by Angela Hamilton

My name is Angela Hamilton and I am a breast cancer survivor! My cancer was caught during a routine mammogram in July 2009. My next appointments were to have an ultrasound, biopsy, and a meeting with a surgeon. When I left that biopsy appointment, I could sense something was wrong and knew my life was about to change in a big way. But also knew that I had to keep my same routine so that I would not send shockwaves thru my family. You see, we had lost my mom to heart disease in 2001, my grandparents, a cousin and my dad to cancer in 2007. Too much loss and I wasn’t ready to accept cancer into my family again.

Well, I did hear those dreaded words – “You have cancer.” I cried, I prayed, and I listened. During the time between my diagnosis and surgery I would take walks on the bike trail and one day as I was walking, I stopped at the bench my neighborhood had place in memory of Michelle Friedley*. As I sat on that bench, I cried, I prayed, and I listened. It was at that point that I knew I had to be strong – not just for me, but to prove to my kids that cancer was not a death sentence and I would beat this!

I had surgery followed by 37 radiation treatments. I did genetic testing and Oncotype DX testing to help determine if chemotherapy was needed – although no cancer was found in my lymph nodes, chemotherapy was still a possibility. Once again, I returned to that bench – to cry, to pray, and to listen. I decided no to the “traditional” chemotherapy and entered a clinical trial. During all of this I relied on the support of my family and friends to help me get thru the physical aspects of this disease and its treatments.

I have the best support system – a patient and loving husband, two awesome kids, extended family, great friends, neighbors, and coworkers already to lend a hand. My friends organized meals and kept me exercising to fight against the fatigue. My co-workers were there to let me cry when I needed, and to dig into my workload for me. I even had a friend tell me that if I had to lose my hair, the she would too – lucky for her I didn’t go that route!!

Even with all these amazing people surrounding me I still felt lonely. Once again, I returned to the bench – to cry, to pray, and to listen. I had heard about the Beyond Pink TEAM, Touch of Courage, and the Young Cancer Survivors while going through radiation treatments, but knew I wasn’t ready at that time to share my story. I was still trying to accept and understand the diagnosis myself. I started reading and learning as much as I could, and while reading, “Dear God, They Say Its Cancer”, by Janet Thompson, I realized I needed the emotional support that could only come from someone who had heard those dreadful words.

So, in January 2010, I attended my first Touch of Courage support group and my first Young Cancer Survivors – both times shaking in my shoes and emotional. What I soon realized was that even though our stories may be different, the theme is still the same – lives interrupted, sleepless nights, racing minds, and a “sisterhood” that I really didn’t understand until it became my own. Now I make it a priority to attend those meetings – partly to share my story and experiences, but more in the hopes that it will help just one other person to get out of the loneliness of a cancer diagnosis and to keep learning.

I continue to return to that bench – sometimes to cry, but more to pray and to listen these days. Thank you to all who show support for those battling, those we’ve lost, and for your support of the Beyond Pink TEAM. Without them and the ladies in the Touch of Courage and Young Cancer Survivors, I think I would still be searching. Thanks to them I know that as I continue with my journey and survivorship I don’t ever have to feel alone.

*The bench Angela mentions in her story was placed in memory of Michelle Friedley. In 2006, the Cedar Falls downtown merchants, and Community Main Street held the first Pink Ribbon Run in honor of Michelle. Her mother, Pam Dowie, suggested funds raised be donated to the Beyond Pink TEAM. Pam had been attending Beyond Pink TEAM meetings, learning more about the organization and sharing Michelle’s story and a need for a support group for young mothers and working women.  The rest, they say is history.

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