survivor...it's me!

by JoAnne VanCleave

My cancer came as a complete surprise. And, as with so many things in my life, the Lord was there to help with the discovery! I had broken my back in three places, the back brace I was wearing was complicated and heavy and instead of being therapeutic it caused pain in my left breast. Had it NOT hurt I may still be unaware that I had breast cancer. I had a mammogram three years before my back injury which was negative, and I had not felt any lumps. More amazing the tumor was estimated to be at least eight years old after its removal. So, yes. I was surprised.

I had a caring dedicated staff, who did all they could with dedication and smiles, and a loving supportive family, and I had treatments. Never-the-less three years later, it returned and I had to have both breasts removed. So it was the same old, same old, and more treatments.

Even the word cancer can zap your strength and erase your faith if you let it. It's a hard word to hear and to bear. And I think for all the courage and bravery we try to show others, it is just a good front. We easily slide into an uncomfortable state of mind that is so negative and overwhelming, our minds won't allow us to grasp the fact we can beat this or even work around the condition. It is a distressing, depressing, devastating, discouraging disease and it is always in the back of our mind, hardly ever forgettable.

It took awhile for me to adjust to having cancer. But, life helps too, the days go by and we are not alone in this. There are all kinds of organizations, volunteers, different groups that want to help. You can decide to fight, determination is as good as medicine sometimes. We find new friends we can help, we have our old friends that help us, we find new therapies, new treatments, we find our faith again and health after that. Our spirits become stronger.

In my case I have found a stronger person inside than I thought I could be.. I found you can go out of the house without hair or eyebrows or breasts!!!! and not feel any the less a woman. There are beautiful things to see and lovely people to meet. There is always someone that needs a smile. It is so important to give a kind word or just listen. The start of the disease is the hardest part, the acceptance, if I can let others know there is a future, sometimes a more fulfilling one than we could imagine I feel maybe I have helped just a little bit. We all need support and I can remember another patient telling me about their day and how grateful they seemed to be able to live it, just that sentence made a difference to me.

So, once again, I am a three year survivor. A survivor is one who outlasts a situation, endures, hangs-on, persists, pulls-through and LIVES. That’s ME!! 

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